I honestly don’t remember the last time I wrote anything here. Sorry about that.
In the past few months I’ve had some interesting things going on in my life, but I’ve survived! My laptop is working again, I’m another year older, and I’ve done my fair share of struggling – I joke that I had an existential crisis, but I’m not entirely sure it’s just a joke. I’ve been trying to figure out how to overcome some of the obstacles in my life lately, and while it takes work and conquering fears, I’ve done it.
One of the silliest victories: I took “a selfie” without making an absurd face. It really is a silly thing, but I don’t like taking pictures of myself. I always have this insatiable urge to make a ridiculous face when I do for some reason. But the other night I was talking to someone and sent him a picture of myself smiling (with hot mess hair because it was drying wavy). I think it’s the first head shot I’ve taken with an authentic smile in a while – I’m still not the most pleased with the picture, but it was a step toward letting him see the real me and breaking some of those walls down. PROGRESS.
Other recent victories include:
- Reapplying to school. And deciding on a major again (for now at least).
- Getting in touch with someone regarding setting up services/accommodations for when I’m back at school.
- Getting over my hatred of phones to call his office to set up a meeting to set those up. Seriously. That one (technically happening tomorrow) is going to be rough.
- Realizing how I deserve to be treated and deciding that I’m not letting someone treat me otherwise, no matter how much I care about them. I’m not wasting my life waiting on people anymore, I’m living my life and holding out for my own self-confidence. I’m hoping it’s enough to get me through disappointing people.
- Talking to my doctors about issues with my medicines and wanting to be seen by a geneticist. On Monday I’m having a long talk with my primary care physician (with a list I’m about to compile so that none of my points are forgotten). I want to address some of the issues I’ve been having with my health recently, and I might go ahead and discuss the counseling option just so that I can show that I’m doing everything possible to control my stress so that we can’t blame my symptoms on poor stress management.
So here we go. Accomplishing things in life, including financial aid paperwork. I’ve got this.